Confessions of a Cheater, Part Three
Do Couples That Cheat Together, Stay Together?
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Right?
Ever wonder why people stray? The answer may not be so surprising after all.
As part of an exclusive and ongoing series, BachelorUNCUT attempts to get into the minds of those who vowed to stay faithful for life, but somehow wound up falling off the wagon–while trying to hide their wedding rings in the process. (If you haven’t yet, be sure to check out Parts One and Two).
In today’s third and final installment, we meet a married twosome who claim the secret to a healthy relationship is embracing infidelity, not shunning it.
Are they crazy…or brilliant? You be the judge. Read on as the wife in this open marriage gives us her perspective:
Q: You’re a married couple, but each of you has other sexual partners, correct?
A: Not often, but yeah, we sleep with other people.
Q: How long have you been married and when did this ‘cheating’ start?
We’ve been together about 15 years and married for 10. I would say this all started about two years ago when my husband told me he got drunk at a bachelor party and had a one-night-stand with a random person he met at a bar.
I was so mad, I wanted to kill him. I could definitely be a vengeful bitch so I thought the best way to get even was to do the same thing back to him. So I slept with a guy I knew had a thing for me.
Q: Were there problems in the marriage before your husband confessed?
A: We were fighting more than usual, yes. A lot of it was the stress of not being able to get pregnant. I think when you have this expectation that you’re supposed to have a family, but the children never come, you start wondering if the relationship is strong enough to survive on its own. I know it’s bad to say but that’s how I was feeling.
Q: So after you slept with someone else, you were able to forgive your husband?
A: I agree with some of the people you’ve spoken to…that sex is just sex. You can love someone but still want to experience something out of the ordinary with someone else. Sex is not always intimate. It’s an act between two “animals”.
After I slept with that guy, a lot of my built-up negative energy went away. And I realized I wasn’t going to throw away someone I loved more than anything just because he got an urge.
There are times when your relationship hits a rough patch, and you just need a release…from someone else.
Q: So you and your husband decided that it’d be ok to sleep around.
A: We have some boundaries and rules, the most important ones being that we always play safe and we let each other know when we’ve been with someone. And also that these other people have sexual histories that we can trust.
Q: And there’s no jealousy?
No. We don’t need to know names. And it’s not like we spend more than a couple of hours with any one person. We still do everything else together. We still have intimate moments between the two of us. So I’m not threatened by anyone else.
Q: Why does an open marriage work for you?
Because like I said, we’re able to separate the act of having sex with the rest of the relationship. If I had left him, I wouldn’t be any better off. Because the rest of our relationship is perfect. Much better than a lot of my friends’. The next guy I’d be with would probably not make me any happier.
Staying with one person for the next 50 years, especially when it’s just the two of you, is tough…really tough.
Q: How’s the sex between the two of you?
It’s great. And things are better with us since this all started. Not sure if it’s the sleeping around or just a coincidence [laughs].
Q: Do you ever feel guilty?
A: Not guilty, but I am bothered knowing that people think we’re bad for choosing to conduct ourselves this way.
Q: What would you say to people who criticize this arrangement?
Not all, but some couples need a reality check.
Even if your husband or wife never cheated on you, they’re definitely fantasizing about other people…it’s human nature. And if you’re too rigid in your ways, and behave the way society expects you to, you or your spouse may find yourselves caving under the pressure and doing things in a sneaky way. And that’s when you’ll run into trouble.
At least I can say the relationship I have now is an honest one.
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