Why Men Shouldn’t Wear Thongs

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When it comes to men, underwear, and the chances of having sex, less is NOT more.

Let me first go on record to say that I’m all for freedom of expression, freedom of choice, and the freedom to wear whatever the f*ck you want.

But a male thong is just wrong, on the beach AND in the bedroom—no matter how firm or round the ass.

Up until a few weeks ago, I always thought men wearing thongs was one of those urban legends perpetuated by jilted girlfriends who were looking to emasculate their ex (a subtle, yet grating form of payback).

But then a friend and I were having drinks recently, and she unleashed on me the mother of all bombshells:

 The guy she had been seeing, the alleged love of her life, a guy I had met many a time, wore thongs.

It was at that precise moment that a piece of my soul died, and I started to lose all faith in humanity.

What Lies Beneath…

He was a young, good-looking attorney. Very much a jock, and very much a macho Italian (e.g. if Channing Tatum had a half-brother named Vito).

 On paper, he was Golden. In the bedroom…not so much.

It was the mother of all anticlimaxes. After days of flirting, drinking and heavy petting, my friend finally found herself on his bed, ready for the ride of her life. But as soon as the pants came off, her interest—and libido—almost went out the window.

He could tell his thong was bothering her, and they both looked at each other like the other was crazy.

She asked him about it (in a very nonchalant, non-confrontational kinda way), and all he could say was, “They make my ass look good.”

He reassured her that it wasn’t a regular habit, and that he could easily slip into something more…what’s the word?…”traditional.”

They still had sex (kudos to her for still being able to get wet for the guy), but the real clincher of the story—and my favorite part—was the part where he later hopped in the shower, and she dared to open his underwear drawer.

There they were: Not one pair…or two pairs…but a drawer full. Black ones, purple ones, leopard ones, you name it. It was every Chippendale dancer and sexually-confused boy’s wet dream. Not a single boxer brief to be found.

Side Note: What’s worse, a guy who’s into g-strings, or a girl who turns guys’ drawers upside down looking for them?

Like so many leopard thongs before, this marked the end of an otherwise perfect relationship. She just couldn’t bring herself to date a guy she could share skivvies with.

And who the hell could blame her?

Is a thong under his jeans?

Why Men Shouldn’t Sing the Thong Song

  • It’s a tacky kind of vanity…A guy’s limit should be full-body shaving and self-tanners.
  • They look awkward on dudes…thongs don’t look as good on “bulkier” bodies (not that I’ve tried or anything).
  • Did I mention they’re for girls???…Sorry, they just are.

Turns out, you can never truly know what a guy is hiding under his blue jeans. But, just like the old expression, “If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all,” if you’ve got nothing good to wear, go commando.

Can you date a man who wears thongs? Am I being too harsh? Share your opinion below!

  • Jessica_Scharr

    Funny story, but guys and thongs a no-no.

    • Johnny LoveFive

      Get back to your trolling!

  • TeaganNicole

    “Did I mention they’re for girls???…” Uh, no, actually. Men were wearing thong type clothing in ancient times, long, long before women ever began wearing them; thongs for women is a relatively recent concept (1970s). These kinds of articles always remind me of how stupidly judgmental some narrow-minded people can be. Fortunately, most adults don’t think the way this author does.

    • http://bacheloruncut.com/ Bachelor Uncut

      Thanks for commenting! Sending you much ‘uncut’ love ;)

      • Jessica_Scharr

        Don’t be so diplomatic to someone who can’t even show his face!

  • Robert Christopher Van Middelk

    This is absolutely rediculous.

    First point, thongs were entended for men. They are modern loin cloths and still traditionally worn in japan called a fundoshi. So you cant really say they are for women. Also mens thongs have a pouch up front and womens dont….

    Second point, it is very sad that people like you or her are so closed minded to what is considered “normal” that you would dismiss the possibility that mens thongs are just better underwear. Let me drop some knowledge on you. Mens thongs are the most comfortable underwear available. Less fabric means more movement and no bunching. There is a large number of brands so finding your perfect fit isnt that difficult.

    Third point, you must think white ass cheeks are super sexy. Hahaha, i dont. So wearing a thong at the beach makes alot of since to me… i dont know how you arent getting this…

    Forth point, well if she is so choked up on something so unimportant as type of underwear. I dont think she is mature enough for a relationship…

    • http://bacheloruncut.com/ Bachelor Uncut

      Ok, let’s call a truce ;)

    • Maggie

      It’s also “ridiculous” when grown men can’t spell lol

      • Robert Christopher Van Middelk

        Well you can thank the modern education system for that. And when i dont care to spell check every little thing i post on the internet.

      • Kyan

        It’s even more ridiculous when people have no argument at all, and would rather pick on someone for their grammar & syntax. Did that make you feel good to point out his mistake? Here have a cookie and a pat on your back.

    • jon Mark

      No wonder this generations girls are going for that hood-rat look where men wear their pants below their butts. Men have stopped being men, and started being women all worried about that comfort, and sexy feeling, and such. Stand up on your hind legs and be a man!

  • Maggie

    Men+Thong=no-no

    • Johnny LoveFive

      Maggie+comment=no-no

  • Mr. Moore

    Whoever wrote this is plain retarded.
    Thongs were invented for men before they were for women.
    So, that’s the first lie.
    Second, they are more practical for men, being that they provide support for men’s equipment, and more practical for men, where as women don’t need support down there.
    Third, the person who wrote this must be an obese person, and have security issues, insecure in themselves, and in their masculinity to think such nonsense.

    • http://bacheloruncut.com/ Bachelor Uncut

      Nope, not obese. I think I look half-decent. Photo’s on the site ;) Thanks for reading!!!

      • Johnny LoveFive

        Good job being an ass-hat though!

        • http://bacheloruncut.com/ Bachelor Uncut

          ;)

      • K.D.

        Half-decent? You look very much like Kramer. Yummy! You sexy thing.

  • BrianRowe

    It’s this type of attitude that led us into an era of male body-shame with baggy clothes, board shorts down to the shins, and swim shirts. Just because you’re not comfortable (or possibly not confident enough) baring so much skin, doesn’t mean every guy has to fit into your paradigm.

    Curious. Have you ever been to a nude beach?

    I was incredibly self-conscious when I bit the bullet about 10 years ago and went. Since then, my attitude has changed drastically and I really don’t care what people wear – well, there’s a time and place for everything, I’ll admit.

    The point I’m making here is that it’s only as a big of a deal as ‘you’ make it out to be. Rather than obsess over who should cover their skin with what, wouldn’t it be easier to just accept it and move on? I mean really, we’re talking about a piece of fabric.

    • Johnny LoveFive

      it’s also that same back-ass attitude that made “shorts” for me be like an inch shorter than full-length pants instead of real shorts you saw in the 80′s (like with about an inch below the butt).

  • Brian K

    Stupid, cliched, and conservative nonsense. even the guy he describes that looks like channing tatum.. mr. tatum rocks thongs too in magic mike.. male or female, if you have a great body, thongs will look good. anyone who is so threatened and offended by a bit of kinky underwear is in my opinion completely ridiculous. an ignorant hater.

  • MIT99

    Heres A history lesson for you moron, but thongs were originally developed by men, and for men, the premise was to cover and protect the genitals while keeping you as cool as possible. The original thong, is a loin cloth made by and exclusively for men.
    It originated from areas of the world with hot and harsh climates. So before you start running your mouth like your an expert, you should take a few moments and educate yourself on the topic, I dont judge people and am a very open-minded individual myself. Hey in my experience the majority of women who hate on men wearing thongs are lacking there own confidence themselves. they wish they could pull it off!!! Just like yoga pants and leggings, 65% of women I see wearing them shouldnt even be allowed to own them, let alone 80% of women dont even wear the proper panties. Yoga pants and Leggings are for thongs and thongs only, Seeing womens panty lines looks horrible, those pants are made with such thin materials there isnt a bikini or brief that wont show, let alone when women dont wear thongs it looks like you have dropped a load in your pants. I myself have a great body with an hourglass shape, If I want I can pull off leggings and yoga pants if I want to and i look better than 75% off women who even attempt it. Anyone who is bothered or wierded out by men wearing thongs or womens thongs or underwear, are insecure, uneducated, close minded, and as shallow as it gets.
    Every female ive met has and wears mens clothes, That is CROSS-DRESSING to Ladies, It is the exact same thing as men wearing womens clothes!
    The Difference is Society says its ok for women to wear mens stuff but its not ok for men to wear womens clothes. Some men have sensual sides as well. In My experience women wear what they wear to look good as well as feel good, Some men want the same exact feeling as well, But us guys dont have people designing sexy clothes and underwear like women do, Men want to feel sexy too, plain and simple!! Wearing a thong does not change who the man is or what he is about, clothes are just aestheticS, Doesnt change who a man is, what he is about, his capabilities, his Integrity, It actually is an indicator of how confident and comfortable a man is with himself.
    So ladies open your minds and quit being so judgemental, it makes you all look ignorant, uneducated, and close-minded. when a girl throws on a pair of guys boxers it is the same exact thing as him throwing on your panties!!!! THE EXACT SAME THING!!!!! Aesthetics are Aesthetics none of this shit is important when finding the right person, Its about what you have in your head not about what your wearing under your pants.
    Lastly where do you get off snooping through a mans drawers without asking, thats a low blow and thats how low life losers act. You invaded his privacy and ended the relationship just because yo dont like what kind of underwear he wears(COULDNT BE ANYMORE SHALLOWER)!!!! You should probably hit the gym, start eating better and your work on your selfconfidece issues cause youve got some serious issues to be worked out, also make sure yo do the proper research before you make yourself look dumber than a box of rocks!!!

    • Yanks4Life

      How long did it take u to write this lol??

      • MIT99

        7 minutes

    • @(0.o)@

      As a straight guy who wears thongs, I would just like to say thanks for being a voice of reason. I completely agree with the point you made. Oh, and guess what? My girlfriend does to. Cheers.

      • MIT99

        Cheers as well, glad to hear there are more open-minded people such as yourselves, thanks for the comments and compliments

    • johny

      i like the truth behind this, 2 thumbs up

    • Kyan

      Rightly said. I’ve been wearing thongs and g-strings since a few years now and couldn’t be happier! I live in a country with mostly hot climate and a thong really helps keep things cool and dry, plus it gives excellent support while walking long distances. There is also the feel-good factor and sexiness. My GF loves it and thinks I look hot in them. Moreover, men thongs have pouches which provide better support than a “girl” thong, so when the author says thongs are for women, she couldn’t imagine how wrong SHE is.

      • Kyan

        or maybe the author is a “he”, in that case it makes the article look even more dumb.

  • MIT99

    lastly I bet you were jealous of his underwear drawer

  • Dane

    What a pathetic and ignorant article! Seems like written by school kid who’s just got rid of his tighty whities and got his first few pairs of boxer briefs (so common in some part of the World) and is so fond of it. Well, now everybody in the comments have already told that thongs are intended for men since early ages, I don’t want to put more emphasis on this. What I know is that thongs provide the best support and are comfortable too. So, it takes the best out of briefs (support) and boxers (comfort). There are hundreds of brands manufacturing simple and comfy designs dedicated for men. They dont need to be leopard print or with a zipper. I have dozens of thongs with ample pouch and great fabric which look sexy without looking cheap. As far as girls’ attitude towards it, it was my girlfriend who introduced me to men’s thongs and initially even I was in shock. But wearing them for a week or so, I haven’t looked back since then!

  • Paul

    Whilst everyone is entitled to their opinion and to voice it freely I do at times wonder how some people’s opinion is formed. I’m not about to get into a slagging match with this author about their feelings, or about who is right or wrong, I am however going to disagree with their sentiments entirely!

    I have worn thongs as both underwear and swimwear ever since my then GF introduced me to the style, just over 25 years ago. She bought me a thong tanning suit to wear while on holiday and bet me I wasn’t brave enough to wear it out around the pool……. She lost the bet and I received a LOT of positive complements!!! Got some banging tan lines into the bargain! I was well and truly hooked.
    Within a week of our return she had totally changed my underwear draw so that it contained nothing but thongs…….

    Sadly that relationship didn’t last…… my relationship with thongs did however.

    Now I’m no stud, but that said, I am a bloke, I’ve had my share of encounters with the girls and I have to say that with the exception of 2 (1 hated, 1 rather I didn’t) I’ve had nothing but positive experiences when it came to them finding out I wore thongs…… even when they found out I had a draw FULL of them!!
    Oh and that’s not to mention the many hundreds of positive comments I’ve received while out tanning in one. And let me tell you my tanning suits are TINY!!!!!

    All I can say is; “Those ‘Towie’ boys were 5 years behind me when they wore their one-sided suits.”

    Been wearing them to tan in for 6 years now and my GF won’t let me wear anything else!

    Many girls LOVE their guy in a thong, trust me….. I’m lucky, mine likes to show me off in mine!

    PAUL

  • JCDenton

    The author spends waaaay too much time looking at other men’s underwear. Why do you care? Why should anyone care? What’s important is comfort and practicality. Why anyone would wear boxers for underwear — or those idiotic board shorts for swimming — is a mystery to me. Boxers offer no support and a great opportunity to get bunched up. Board shorts triple your resistance in the water and take forever to dry. And precisely what advantage do they offer? Because people look better in them than in thongs? Yeah, if it’s a 300 lb fatso, but such a person won’t look good in boxers, board shorts, or nude either. For me thongs are simply more practical … they are supportive, cool, and require no folding after washing. That is all that is important. Now, let’s talk about why the author spends so much time worrying about other men’s underwear.

  • Adam

    “did I mention they’re for girls?” They were originally for men. And try to remember while you are calling other people vain that the chances are that your opinion on the matter really doesn’t bother them/us. And do try and be slightly more tolerant in future. Have you thought maybe we wear them just coz we want to?

  • David

    It doesn’t get any more traditional or old-fashioned than a g-string/thong for men. It is the original underwear, and still sported all across the world. People’s ignorant and undying love of their mentally-imprisoned upbringing never ceases to baffle me. So sad.

    • KOBE SBM

      LMAO! Just how old are you, son? Whose tradition are you talking about? Old fashioned for all intents and purposes means boxer shorts. Then white briefs. New traditions are boxer briefs and colored underwear. Now the freaks, they are the ones who wear thongs, non-athletic jockstraps, string bikini underwear, and they even match those with their skinny jeans and man purse.

      • dunceTrouncer

        MOAL! most tribes wore them sonny. I know you’re just over 2 years old and I don’t want to use words to deal with you.

  • Sam

    What a dumb post – thongs were for guys first before women. Typical dumb bitch rant

  • A

    This is such a stupid article. If it wasn’t for the surprise of the thong under my jeans, I may have never had a successful relationship with my wife. I love wearing thongs, both underwear and swimwear, and my wife loves seeing me in them. Let people make their own decisions and wear what they want to wear.

  • Mr. Gerard

    I started working out not too long ago and found a pack of man thongs to be cheaper than a jock strap, so I got them for support reasons. Then it eventually turned into everyday wear. And I’m straight.

    Fact of the matter is, its underwear. Who is really gonna see it? And underwear has been evolving for years. It used to cover the ENTIRE body. To be honest, a thong doesn’t feel any different than wearing any other kind of underwear. To each his own.

  • johny

    how about the writer of this fuck off, your yuppy ass don’t own ppl so get a life moron. and the thong song was originally sang by a man dumbass. society has you rich bastards all fucked in the head, im in shape and not going to be wearing a suit and tie, EVER, not even on a 100 degree day, ppl that wear shit like that get robbed and beat up.

  • Robert Christopher Van Middelk

    To each their own. If underwear is such a big deal for her then maybe she should get out of the relasionship.

    Oh, and by the way. The statement about sharing underwear is a bit ignorant. As if a pouchless female thong would fit a man properly and vise versa. That is just silly.

  • jason

    Thongs were made for guess what dumb ass…….native american MEN!!!!!!! MEN!!!!!!! I was in the army the underwear they gave us sucked so I gave a thong a try guess what no more heat rash kept my boys cooler and was easier to move in. If u dont wanna see a guys thong then stop lookin. And thongs work for guys who have bigger stuff like me boxers ….I sit on my stuff…. briefs bunch up so much and have no support whitty tightys let em move to much ride up and give one hell of a wedgie …..so if im gonna have a wedgie imma wear a thong but….. u dont feel the string . And im a big guy im not fat just a big country guy I was also infantry so yeah ANY guy can wear what they want when they want .dont like it ……tuff shit shut ur mouth and keep moving

    • KOBE SBM

      Dude, if you do not feel that string going up your crack, then it must be pre-widenened. You reference the fact that native American men made them. Are you native American and living in 1700? I challenge you to find any native American who wears thongs today. You mention briefs too. Men wear boxers or boxer briefs. When I was in the Marine Corps, we were issued white boxers and briefs were not even allowed.

      • Jimmy Boy

        you’ve never worn a jock strap apparently

      • dunceTrouncer

        Dude what are you like seven? Sorgon you’re 2 you solider are a waste of fabric. It’s ration time boy, you can’t be wasting good aul yankee fabric for your smellies

  • Anonomos

    sexist.

  • Aiden

    I whole heartedly agree with this. Men shouldn’t wear thongs in this modern day and age. I mean, you can do whatever the hell you want, but the majority of ppl will think you’re a creepy fuckbag. And yes, thongs were originally made for men, but that was because it was practical. It served a functional purpose and it wasn’t meant to be sexy. To each their own. Just don’t expect anyone to take you seriously. Peace.

    • KOBE SBM

      I feel you. Skirts were first worn my en too, and women had to wear robes. That does not mean that one can get away with them today, unless you are a Scottman, and a masculine one at that. Bright yellow or sky blue thong on a man. Dafuq?

      • dunceTrouncer

        Dear dufaq sky blue actually sounds good hand aren’t robes really long skirts?

  • someone

    IM STRAIGHT AND WEAR ONLY THONGS, UNDERWEAR AND BATHING SUITS, YES I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WHO JUST HAPPENS TO LIKE IT. if a girl can wear slutty clothes, which most of them do daily cuz you know they want the attention, then I’ll keep wearing what I’m comfortable in. ppl drown in board shorts, smaller is better and they dry way quicker.

  • Jason

    This would be a better story if it was scolding someone for dumping a person over their choice of underwear, rather than scolding someone for their choice of underwear… imagine a guy dumping a girl over the sort of underwear she wears? And someone writing an article about it being understandable? Total idiocy (not to mention sexist).

  • natchill

    I wear thongs because I like to wear thongs. Simple as that. If they were made for men, women, who actually cares? There are so many strange fetishes around. No doubt the writer of this article, be a he or a she, has their own strange fetishes. One such fetish appears to be writing ignorant articles like this one, criticising others on their choice of underwear. How about you start searching for some happiness in your own life instead of wanting to build up your own ego by publicly writing about you’re supposedly superior knowledge of what is or is not sexy on a man. And by the way, pretty much every girlfriend I’ve had actually really likes the fact that I wear thongs and even helps me choose them, so maybe for some less actually is more. And on another note, something that makes a girl extremely sexy, is being intelligent and open minded.

    • KOBE SBM

      Why thongs? WHY do you like to wear them? When you say girlfriend, do you mean sexually involved girlfriend, or just a friend who is a girl? Your comments sounds pretty bitchy to me.

  • jon Mark

    Bachelor; you really stepped in it did you not. Everyone supposedly is free to express their opinion, as you did, as long as it agrees with opinion of everyone else.

    When I read your ending question, “Can you date a man who wears thongs”, I took that to be a question directed to women, but all I see it a lot of other men scolding you having the gall to intimate that they might just have a repressed ladyboy gene for wearing thongs. That input “from other women” would stand on it’s own, of which the overwhelming majority would probably say, “gross, no way”, but I could be wrong. To the guy I would say, if you like it, and don’t really care if the women think your a little, queer, (notice where I put the comma), then do it, what do you care.

    • KOBE SBM

      Totally agree. Perhaps the ladyboys are the only ones who get so miffed that they bother to respond here? You are not wrong about the assumed women’s responses. Most WOULD say “Eeeewwwww, grosss!” They already say that with Speedos, and thongs make Speedos look almost traditional (NOT). Sure, you can find women who not only do not mind a thong, but also would not mind if their guy wore a bit of makeup, perhaps some Capri pants and gets his toenails painted. That does not make those things “acceptable”. They look feminine!

      • dunceTrouncer

        Now I get it, your one of those women trapped in a man’s body and it just just hurts so bad when your bud calls you bra and you’re oh, wait you meant like bro… sad face. Must be tough walking around with a ruler making sure your briefs are atleast 7 inches long otherwise you insecurities come up. So here you are in the meanwhile – must feel good dunnit solider boi up in the hole, watch him whine watch blaoww.

        • Mark McKarrion

          No, just a straight man comfortable in a man’s body. Perhaps the fact that I am rather….um….large, I cannot imagine my junk being bunched up in a thong. I like the feeling of swinging free and feeling some air circulating around in there. But what turns me off about them most is how they look. So feminine! The ultimate girly garment even more girly than panties or bikini bottoms. I can accept full cut Speedos because I have seen them on European men and they can look okay. But things? Uh, hell no.

  • anonymous

    Cheekies are better than thongs anyway. You get all the complimentary ass-display, without any of the wedgie.

    • KOBE SBM

      Isnt it better to actually HAVE a nice butt without needing to wear underwear to enhance it? Isnt that the way it has been done for centuries?

      • dunceTrouncer

        Hang on so you were there since the past few centuries… O_o I seen someone else here saying they were too, hmm

  • KOBE SBM

    So many thong defenders. LOL! Thongs, no matter if they were first designed for men, are a distinctly feminine look. Sure there are women who might like them, but the majority of them do not. They LOOK feminine and not at all masculine. What sort of man wants a strip of fabric going right across his anus? The sight of a thong above the beltline of a man’s pants will ping many women’s Gaydar even if the guy is straight. These flimsy little garments are right up there with Speedos, see through chiffon men’s shirts, men’s skirts (not kilts), and man-purses. Many men think these elements make them hip and modern, but those same people think skinny jeans look okay on men. How about skinny jeans with a thong underneath?

    I wonder how many of these thong wearing guys are over the age of 30? My legs are too muscled to squeeze into skinny jeans, and for me, the tightest underwear I am going to wear is going to be boxer briefs.

    • dunceTrouncer

      Got a thing for strong strapping men in kilts eh lassie?

  • natchill

    Kobe SBM – ”””Perhaps the ladyboys are the only ones who get so miffed that they bother to respond here?””’ Ummmmmm, are you not quite a contributor in the list of responses. Really, why does it bother you enough to defend the fact that guys shouldn’t wear thongs? Have you stopped and asked yourself this? Seems like you are the one that is being most defensive of their masculinity out of everyone. Why are you even commenting anyway?

  • Just wanna be comfortable

    I’m a straight guy, and all I wear is thongs. Why? Not because I think they’re sexy or because I think I look good in them. I wear them because they’re comfortable and I never have to adjust them or myself while wearing them. I really don’t understand the bias against men wearing thongs. Who cares? In any case, I’m not sure I want to take advice on masculinity from someone that has a gal pal that tells him about her sex life and the underwear that her boyfriends wear.

  • Soloraptonic

    This post is so pathetic I swear. A man can wear whatever he wants. There is nothing in this world that is “just for women” except your bloody fucking tampons

  • Solidoxe Ex

    Ya to be honest, the reading was very shallow arrogant and wrong. But to each is his own. I have my opinion about your writing and you have your opinion writen. Many women love men in thongs. Let go of ur pride cuz your opinion is only based off of your own reality and your reality is always subject to change therefore your opinion will forever be unstable and always wavering. Not much to look to. And not that ur wrong you just have ur pride in the wrong place. Only saying this cuz pride can cost you your own happiness and has costed others their lifes.

  • Chris

    I disagree with the author; as a 38yr old straight married guy, my wife and many of her friends heartily endorse my wearing of brief style swimsuits (Speedo brand and others) along with thong underwear. I compete casually in triathlon and swim long distances in our local lake (miles at a time). During the workday, (I own a welding/machine shop), I find great comfort in the ventilation offered. The objections to a “perpetual wedgie” are offered only by those whom never tried a properly sized quality garment.

  • No name

    I just love my thongs. It’s very simple: they are the most comfortable underwear I have ever worn, and I tried every men’s underwear cut there is. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e634167cf825fcdc10d51fede201dca0c0693ebfa70c68d863fb21c5eee639e9.jpg

  • No name

    What a load of crap! “thongs are for girls”. No, there are thongs for women and thongs for men. People should wear whatever is comfortable for them. Oh, by the way, thongs were originally designed for the male anatomy.
    P.S- I know allot of women who love men in thongs.