Confessions of a Cheater, Part Two
This time, we get HER side of the story…
Another day, another infedility!
Ever wonder why people stray? The answer may not be so surprising after all.
As part of an exclusive and ongoing series, BachelorUNCUT attempts to get into the minds of those who vowed to stay faithful for life, but somehow wound up falling off the wagon–while trying to hide their wedding rings in the process.
In today’s post, we meet “Jane,” a 43-year-old mother of four who married her high school sweetheart, and whose marriage has seen better days. Here’s what she had to say about her cheating episode…
A: Ha! I’ve been asking myself that for two years!
We hadn’t had sex in a long time…that’s not an excuse for cheating, I know. But it really became a problem for me.
My husband had put on A LOT of weight and he stopped having the urge to do anything. Sex is really important to me, so I kind of became the man in the relationship, always bugging him and having him tell me that he wasn’t in the mood. Even though he was a few years older than me, it was never an issue before.
He said it was stress from his job, running his own IT company, but I knew he didn’t like the way he looked. Really started to affect our whole relationship. And with four kids, it ain’t easy to begin with!
Q: When did you start to get ‘the wandering eye’?
A: About two years ago, I started going out for drinks after work with some friends I had met on the train on my morning ride to work. We’d meet once a week for Happy Hour.
One of the guys in the group had just gone through a bad divorce and we started getting close. First as friends, then I started having feelings for him. He was gorgeous…had to slip that in.
He’d confide stuff in me. And I’ll tell him personal things. And sometimes, talking to him, I’d forget I was married…like I was a teenager again.
He had a place up north that I’d go to. But not often. Mostly on weekends. Each time I’d have to say that I had a bunch of errands to run and would be out for most of the day. Lasted for about six months, then he met someone else.
Q: Do you still love your husband?
A: I love him, yes. But I think it’s more like a best friend kind of love.
Q: Are you still attracted to him?
A: I think there’s always going to be an attraction to him. But to be honest, he doesn’t have the body that he used to…neither do I [laughs]. So physically…no…not the same at all.
Q: Did you feel guilty for cheating?
A: Oh my god yes. Especially since he’s always treated me so well. It’s not like he did something to provoke my cheating. And I worry about my kids finding out…the kind of example I’d be setting for them.
I do have some friends who went through something like this, and they say that I think it’s worse than it really is because I’m a girl…since it’s “normal” for guys to cheat on their wives. The more I think about it, the more I see their point. If anything, I feel more guilty for confiding stuff to another man than with actually sleeping with him. Sex is just sex…to me.
Q: Do you every try to spice up your marriage?
A: I keep trying to get him to go to a marriage counselor but he refuses. If you knew him you’d know that he’s not the type to talk to a shrink. He’s probably embarrassed that the sex life is gone and that his wife isn’t attracted to him anymore.
Q: Would you ever tell your husband about your affair?
A: [After a long, teary pause] I don’t know…I honestly don’t know. There’s a lot to think about. My sisters know, that’s about it.
Q: Would you be understanding, then, if you found out your husband cheated on YOU?
A: Honestly, a part of me wishes he would so we’d be even. Crazy, I know. It’s so messed up. Don’t know what the right answer is. But I’m a woman, so if he told me he cheated I’d probably be really angry and jealous and go nuts on him. And that’s not fair to him.
So You Married a (Gay?) Male Stripper