Why Can’t We Mind Our Own F*cking Business?

From casual flings to marriages, is a relationship’s biggest threat the people around it?

 “My mother-in-law keeps saying she’s gonna kill herself, but she never does.”

Nope, this isn’t from an episode of Days of Our Lives; it’s just the confession of a fed up wife whose marriage is pushing her towards the brink of insanity.

It’s amazing the things you can overhear while you’re eavesdropping having lunch. This one particular day was a veritable goldmine, as I listened to this woman vent to her friend about her mother-in-law. An in-law who, from what I could make out, was so involved in her affairs, divorce–or suicide–seemed to be the only two options left.

First off: How bad do things have to be for you to be waiting for your mother-in-law to off herself?

And her complaints got me thinking, not just about in-laws, but people in general who meddle in couples’ lives. I know plenty of marriages that crumbled as a direct result of an in-law who either wouldn’t butt out, or was in constant “Evil Eye” mode from the moment the couple said their “I Do’s.”

We spend so much time talking (or in my case, blogging) about things that couples do wrong (e.g. the “Who left who?” gossip) that we often forget those pesky outside forces that, like some nasty flesh-eating virus, can chip away at a relationship and ultimately cause its demise.

Who’s Dating Who?

One person that comes to mind is a former colleague, who ditched the guy she was with cause her parents weren’t impressed by his salary–and they made sure to let her know any chance they got.

In fact, the dating pool is littered with stories of romances gone awry because a family member didn’t approve of the girl’s religion, a mother who couldn’t let go of her son (a.k.a. her emotional crutch), or a friend who was so jealous of her bestie’s new man, she did everything she could to try and tarnish his reputation.

God knows I don’t have any first-hand experience, but from what I hear, a relationship is hard-enough work as it is without having to worry about the spectators looking in.

And even if you ignore these problems, do they ever really go away?

Why So Obsessive?

• Jealousy? Do people fixate on those relationships that they, deep down, wish were their own?
• Boredom? If no one’s slamming us, do we start living vicariously through those with much healthier sex lives (or at least getting some every other day)?
• Control Issues? In the case of family members, do people feel threatened, for one reason or another, by an outsider who (in their mind) will take their place on the family hierarchy?

The ‘Famous’ Double Standard

Admit it: You gossip (or are at least curious) about who’s in bed with who in Hollywood. So is it fair to hate on others when people are talking about your love affair?

Perhaps Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin could shed some light on the issue. The power couple just announced that they’re headed for splitsville after an 11-year marriage. And like it or not, all eyes are on them right now.

But this isn’t just a celebrity problem. Sure, your divorce won’t make the tabloid covers, but everyone in your circle will be chiming in regardless (cue the gossip, misinformation and rumors!).

As if breaking up wasn’t stressful enough already (so I’ve heard).

Perhaps it’s a necessary evil, and every couple needs to accept the fact that, unless they’re living on a remote island, their love affair will be under a microscope–however big or small.

What is our fascination with other people’s relationships?

How about it, my dear readers, let’s talk this out:

Is a relationship part of the public domain, and can a couple ever really hide from everyone else’s two cents?  Leave a comment below.