What Women Want: A Gay Man? (Part Two)
Judging by the men women are dating these days, the perfect guy just might be straight on the outside, and GAY on the inside.
The debate continues! Behold: The second installment of our controversial two-parter from BachelorUNCUT’s first Guest Blogger!
Are you dating a gay man and don’t even know it? Here are the next five tell-tale signs (if you missed the first five, you can check them out here):
He’s an Art Lover
The theatre is something straight men are dragged to, not something they suggest. Same goes for movies. If your guy is begging you to go and see “Love Story” with him rather than “Blow Up Explosion Movie,” he’s probably gay. The only time a straight man would agree to be dragged to a romantic comedy is with the implicit understanding that he is gonna get to bang you later for the sacrifice on his time.
He’s in the bathroom…a lot
Straight men should be okay with a little manscaping, but they generally do not strive to make themselves look like a 12 year old Vietnamese girl down there. They don’t effing care that much about how their balls look (or taste) to you. Unless he’s a swimmer or professional bicyclist, you’re out of luck. Sorry, but it’s true.
He Takes Longer Than You To Get Ready
Straight guys can be ready to go out, at any time, for any occasion, in about 15 minutes. Tops. They smell the pits of a shirt they want to put on to make sure it’s clean, slip on pants they had on the day before and are still on the floor, and are ready to go. Sometimes, they will glance in the mirror if it’s a special occasion, but that’s it. A straight guy who spends more than 32 seconds looking at his reflection is probably gay.
He’s Got that “Special” Vocabulary
If your guy uses terms like “gurrrl” and “pleeease!” and “okaaaay?”, he’s probably gay. Straight men do not talk like that. If your guy knows the difference between what a “top” and a “bottom” is, he’s gay–don’t buy the story that he knows a gay guy at work who has filled him in. A straight guy would never want to know that and would never ask the question.
And, most importantly…
If a guy tells you he’s bisexual, he’s probably gay. Yes, sexuality can be experienced across a broad spectrum–and social morays on this are definitely changing. But, a true bisexual, who is genuinely equally comfortable being with a man or a woman is, in my opinion, rarer than you might think, even in 2014. There are many scared, terrified, gay men out there who just do not have the support to live their authentic lives, at least not yet. Dragging your toe across the sexual line to call yourself bisexual is shocking enough to make you interesting and still offers you some degree of cover if the reaction you get from your friends is not what you would have hoped. If your guy says he “tried it once in college,” probe deeper. There’s likely more story there. Two words: George Michael. Remember how he eventually came out? Look it up. Same with Boy George.
Put down your magazines and stop watching daytime talk shows. That’s almost never real information about the real world. They are selling you a bill of goods. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, we should not be ashamed of our differences; we should be embracing them. Straight men are not going to be your best girlfriend. They just aren’t. On any given day, they will be more interested in the game on TV than what is happening between your sister and her best friend. They rarely are “thinking”–you can stop asking them that question. The answer, genuinely, is “nothing.” But, in exchange for these Neanderthal tendencies that positively drive you off the deep end, you will get what you honestly and truly need: someone who will help provide for you, will protect you and will make you feel safe when you are with him.
What Women Want: A Gay Man? (Part One)