Jimmy Fallon Shows Us Who’s Boss
Why Fallon, the Rangers and NYC will always be the coolest kids on the block.
Thank you, Jimmy Fallon, for helping to prove my point: That when you put your money on New York City, you never lose—at least not in the ways that matter most.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, off climbing the Himalayas, or—better yet—too busy having sex to notice, the New York Rangers are in the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time in 20 years.
And as someone who doesn’t know much about hockey, I was smart enough, and logical enough, to cheer for the greatest city in the world from day one (no offense to my native Montreal).
That’s because, New York City, WIN OR LOSE, will always be cooler than you (and by “you” I mean every other city in the world).
What Do The New York Rangers, Jimmy Fallon and Getting Laid All Have in Common?
Quite a bit, actually.
And as it stands now, the guy with the looks, the money and the attitude is still the Big Man on Campus who gets all the babes. (Hey, I didn’t write the rules; I just play by them).
And the same can be said for cities. That’s why, thanks to Jimmy Fallon and these latest NHL playoffs, we’re reminded that Montreal is like that geeky-yet-adorable younger brother who spends his days looking at his hockey card collection in the basement, while his hipper New York bro is off banging supermodels (figuratively speaking, of course).
Which makes me sad because Montreal is better than that—certainly more fashionable, sophisticated and hip than most Canadian cities. I say it’s time to shed that small-town mentality when it comes to hockey and start ripping a few pages out of New York’s black book.
To put it in hockey terms, Montreal is too important to live and die by the puck.
Jimmy Fallon is just another reminder that while we may be cool in our own backyard, everyone still wants to get into New York’s pants (for reasons other hockey, though wearing a blueshirt can’t hurt).
Not Convinced? For Your Consideration…
Did you happen to follow that embarrassing bet made by the Montreal Canadiens and Jimmy Fallon during the recent Eastern Conference Final? I say it’s embarrassing cause it resulted in the Habs’ mascot having to run around the streets of Montreal wearing a Rangers jersey. And in keeping with the above analogy, it shows how Montreal, despite all its efforts to be cool, is still missing a certain je-ne-sais-quoi.
EXHIBIT A: The Rangers have the host of the “Tonight Show,” Robert De Niro and Michael J. Fox in their corner; we have a guy in an orange costume.
EXHIBIT B: The New York Rangers have a head coach, Alain Vigneault, who looks cool, calm and collected in even the most stressful of matches; the Canadiens have Michel Therrien, who looks like he’s perennially constipated (go ahead and Google their photos, I’ll wait…)
EXHIBIT C: NY Rangers players have graced the pages of Esquire and People, while some (like Henrik Lundqvist) have even appeared on nationally syndicated talk shows.
EXHIBIT D: The Rangers get to play in the world’s most famous sporting arena; the Canadiens’ Bell Centre, meanwhile, runs the risk of getting burned to the ground the next time its team takes home the cup.
EXHIBIT E: If the Rangers win the Cup, it’d be a phenomenal chapter in New York’s story; if the Canadiens won the Cup, it’d be the whole f*cking book!
In the end, it doesn’t matter who wins or loses; the prestige of being in any way part of the Big Apple can last a lifetime, proving that while playoffs come and go, New York is forever!
And speaking of New York Rangers tickets, if you (or someone you know) is looking to buy a kidney, I’m selling!
So…You Married a Whore