The Three Strikes of NOT Getting Laid

Careful fellas! A few innocent mistakes just before slamming and you’ll find yourself going instead of coming!

The thing about sex is that no matter how intense the mutual attraction—and/or horniness—is between two people, there’s still time to undo a whole night’s worth of flirting and eye-raping.

And what can be more tragic than finding that special someone to sleep with, only to have that upcoming orgasm slip through your fingers?

It can happen, faster than you can…well, you know. That’s why it’s important to stay on your toes and watch your every move from start to, ahem, finish.

Behold: The three strikes that can put a serious dent in your night—and your ego:

Strike Number One – Turn into a hopeless alcoholic

Thinking that you’ve scored a “sure thing” doesn’t mean you can spend the rest of the night drinking up a storm (i.e. like you were single and NOT looking).

Sure, the pressure’s off and you wanna let loose, but unless you first picked her up lying on the floor next to a puddle of your own vomit (or she’s a borderline hooker), chances are she won’t dig your 4-hour vodka worshiping.

Strike Number Two – Making that awkward pit stop on the way home

Even though you should get bonus points for doing the responsible thing by playing safe, there’s something odd about stopping at a pharmacy on the way home at 3AM (let’s face it: You ain’t there for deodorant and lotto tickets).

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I know it can kill the fantasy, plain and simple…like having a stamp on both your foreheads that says “On our way to have sex now.”

Bottom line: As much as possible, try to plan ahead. Just sayin’.

Strike Number Three – Putting the Penis Before the Girl

You’ve made it all the way to the bedroom, and you’re now inches away (pun intended) from closing the deal.

So why would you do something so stupid that would cause her to make a sudden U-turn and run out the door?

That’s exactly what will happen if you get overly-eager with your schlong. Remember guys, no matter what you think of yours, there’s a pretty decent chance she’s seen a nicer cock, so unzipping your pants before taking her coat could leaving you hanging in masturbation hell.