The Seven-Week Itch…

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…and why there’s NEVER, EVER a right time to say goodbye.

Fellas, remember that instant hard-on you’d get when you approached a gorgeous woman at a bar, and she’d smile back at you? You’d buy her a drink, get into some mild flirtations, and you’d feel the sexual tension start to build? She’d give you her number and you knew right then and there that you were “IN”?

I used to LOVE that feeling—until it all went to shit three years ago.

Up until that point, going on first dates was the best because (surprise, surprise) they were always the most fun—the intercourse-equivalent to an orgasm!

You’d get to know the person better over a fine bottle of wine in a dimly lit lounge on a quiet Monday night, and everything was new…exciting. And best of all: No baggage!

Sometimes, the first date would be so good, I’d schedule a follow-up without hesitation (hey, why not!).

But then something happens, usually around date number three, where I literally start to feel the metaphorical noose around my neck. I run out of things to say, find myself calling or texting because I have to—not because I want to—and, well, let’s just say I rarely get to date number  four.

So for me to hit the seven-week, 10-date mark in any “relationship” would be a huge milestone; she would have to be really special. But it did happen, and she was as close to flawlessness as any girl could be. Great looks, awesome personality, phenomenal kisser, and filled with the wholesome values of a nice Portuguese family. Aside from a weird eye twitch, a damn near perfect 10.

The fourth date with her felt like my relationship training wheels had finally come off. Was I finally going to introduce someone as my “girlfriend”?

Uh, no, because her perfection was NO MATCH for my inability to get serious about getting serious. (Side Note: Even the guy from my cell phone company told me I had commitment issues after seeing my anxiety over signing a three-year contract). By the time she asked me if I’d swing her nephew’s birthday party, I knew it was over.

Needless to say, ending this doomed courtship was going to be a little trickier than normal, since I had crossed the delicate line that separates “casual dating” from “seeing someone.” But I was safe enough, I figured, since I made sure to avoid any references to “our future” in any conversation and—more importantly—we hadn’t yet slept together (thank you Jesus for girls who still want to take it slow).

I told her over dinner, in the most honest, sincere way I knew how, that long-term just wasn’t for me. And I’d say her reaction was pretty close to that of a little girl who just found out there’s no Santa Claus. She mentioned something about me “dumping her” without giving it a chance.

Dumping? Did I mention that it had only been SEVEN WEEKS? I’ve seen friends go through divorces that were less painful!

By the end of it, I was left with a barely-touched bottle of wine and no ride home. (Tip: Always make sure you’re the one driving the night you end it with someone.)

Since this debacle, I’ve found it harder to go out on dates because it almost feels like dating is reserved for people who are looking for something serious. Am I leading a girl on when I ask her to share a pizza and bottle of Chianti? And whatever happened to casual, no-strings-attached get-togethers? Am I doomed to a life of one-night-stands and dead-end texting? Is the universe trying to tell me to stick with the MILFs?

So many questions, and not enough answers. Moving forward, I see three possible scenarios, and each one is doomed to fail:

  • I end it after the third date, and am accused of not giving the relationship a chance.
  • I let it ride for six months, and become the asshole who strung her along and wasted her time.
  • I tell her right up front that I’m only a three-date kinda guy, and risk getting an odd, “Easy there, buddy” look.


Ah, the bachelor life. So simple, yet so complicated.

  • AR

    option number 3… honesty Is the best way… no?

    • bacheloruncut

      In theory, yes, but it’s a little strange for me to a girl what my long-term intentions are when we just met.

  • AR

    I agree with what you are saying, however the result can still be positive if we put the cards on the table right away… why beat around the bush? Play your hand not the person… Great article once again!

    • bacheloruncut

      Thanks for the great feedback. Spread the word. Let’s get this debate goin ;)

      • AR

        I’m sharing I’m sharing!!! its all over my FB wall!!

        • bacheloruncut

          Sweet. Here we go lol.

  • RNYC

    YES! Exactly what I’m talking about. Some chicks made it soooo freakin complicated sometimes. But they have no problems dumping us!

    • bacheloruncut

      Glad you liked!

  • loulou

    Many younger women (25 to 35) want a relationship, a serious relationship… She can’t just enjoy a Chianti or a cappuccino, or God-forbid! an entire dinner with a man!! It has to be a serious relationship for her. Where is this going? Is he a player? Does he like me? OMG! He got me flowers!! For those women who just want to get married and have children… every date counts… every date matters.. they hang on every word and ponder as to what exactly the guy means. They complicate everything. They can’t just go out there and enjoy intelligent conversation with an intelligent man while having a nice meal or a few drinks.

    It may appear to be strange that a woman wants a long term commitment after a few dates… but SHE has not time to waste. I don’t agree with this mind frame… but that’s what it is…. no time to waste…. e.g. ” I’m 28, I want to get married, I want to have children. He’s cute.. He’s smart… I’m cute… I’m smart… We have a lot in common (we enjoy Chianti and Pizza) and if he doesn’t want a serious relationship… I’m-a-movin’-along!! NEXT!!!”

    • bacheloruncut

      Thanks Loulou. Puts my whole MILF article in perspective ;)

  • Lady Goodman

    ” Am I doomed to a life of one-night-stands and dead-end texting?”….somewhat contradicting to your want of being a bachelor forever, n’est pas?

    • bacheloruncut

      I don’t mind going out casually…the scary part is when the other person starts to think they’re already in some type of relationship after the second or third outing.

  • Tanya

    You’re a very talented writer and your articles make my day, so thank you. However, you did mention this was date 10….. I say by date 3 you should of straight up told the girl that you were not looking for a relationship and then just wait and see what happens. Yes, a lot of girls are in it for the long haul, but a lot of girls are just looking for a good time. Maybe it’s the type of girls you seem to go out on dates with…….?

    • bacheloruncut

      I know, I know. I guess I just lost track of time with this one and the noose only started tightening later on. There are girls who just wanna keep it casual. So the real question is, how do you make sure before jumping in (so to speak ;) Thanks for the comment. Share with your friends. Let’s keep this debate going!

      • Rebecca

        You know what. I’d date you.

        • bacheloruncut

          I’m blushing as we speak ;) xoxo

  • Gee Kalo

    I sincerely can’t stop LMAO reading your articles… they’re honest and border line revolting,,, but it’s refreshing to see this “Bachelor” so to speak point of view…(on a sidenote I have started sharing them with friends… and they’ve become quite the topic of conversation)

    In regards to this particular one … here’s my thought process on your comment “The Bachelor life, so simple yet so complicated…” It’s really not that complicated, option 3 is what works for a guy like you … because any girl who knows this right up, makes her decision on whether or not to date you knowing its a short term fling.. (having said that, i doubt you would have gotten that invitation to her nephews birthday.)

    You also mention this : ” And whatever happened to casual, no-strings-attached get-togethers? Am I doomed to a life of one-night-stands and dead-end texting? Is the universe trying to tell me to stick with the MILFs?”… I don’t think you’re doomed to the one night stands… but I guess the real question is …if you embarked on the “friends with benefits” long would that last… date 3 ? Its all a little bit contradictory, since clearly you aren’t the monogamous type.. so how many “friends with said so benefits” can you possibly need? And do you want to continue sharing the Pizza and the Chianti when the deed is done?

    You’re perception and ideal on casual dating may not be everyone’s cup of tea… but hey… nothing wrong with wanting to be someones shot of Whiskey instead;

    ps: loved the “Even the guy from my cell phone company told me I had commitment issues
    after seeing my anxiety over signing a three-year contract”
    LOL such a true story…

    • Bachelor Uncut

      Looks my you’re my new Super Fan! Thanks…keep the comments and the sharing going! This is only the beginning ;)
      You’re right about Option 3. I’ll let you know how it goes…this
      should be interesting lol. And as far as the friends with benefits goes, that’s a loaded issue…may need a separate post for that one! BTW, what did you think of yesterday’s?

      • Gee Kalo

        The “Let your Fingers do the fucking” ?
        I have to agree with NYCPride…I now know to not hold a cup of coffee while reading your stuff… LOL
        So, here’s what I’m thinking … You say to all these “Fellas” out there ..”Free yourselves” …Well my guess is some guy out there freed himself and asked for it …otherwise how would we women know that you men like this as much as you do?(side note this was once a topic of conversation …and as you say … you guys love it) I think the focus here is on those men, that you refer to as homophobes…cause its definitely what they must be… (GOD FORBID I TELL I GIRL I LIKE A FINGER UP MY ASS…OMG…I MUST BE GAY!! lol…Needless to say im not since I’m laying here naked with one doing all kinds of unorthodox things…) to those men I say …. MAN UP… and get over it … and if you don’t …then too bad… you simply don’t deserve that kind of pleasure…!!! The problem with society is STIGMA…

        ps: I never once thought that fingering was considered ” her domain” …doesn’t all foreplay start with the fingers? I can’t wrap my head around the idea of Fingers = Taboo… (my thought..just saying)

        pps: I’m forever grateful for the uncut lexicon …GENIUS

        • Gee Kalo

          oh..and almost forgot… i’d love to hear feedback on the trial of Option 3 …. promise to tell me if you get Bitch Slapped …lol