Why Won’t She F*ck Me?

She doesn’t mind grabbing your crotch or getting fingered in public…she just won’t go to bed with you. Why?

Let it be known that some men can spend just as much time as women lying in bed all night, thinking about what’s wrong with their relationships.

And the one question that often races through the minds of some unlucky bastards is “What’s wrong with me?,” (but ONLY in the context of “Why won’t she sleep with me?”)

It can be quite the ego-crusher for some dudes, especially when the signals are so mixed, it can make deciphering Latin seem easy-breezy.

For Your Consideration…

On a balmy September evening, a 33-year-old lawyer was at a bar with some co-workers, partaking in a few after-work cocktails when a busty 24-year-old vixen elbowed her way through the crowd to get next to him.

The flirtations came fast and furious and, several martinis later, they found themselves in the ladies room ravaging each other in a stall (but not before she had spent 20 minutes grinding up on him and devouring his bottom lip—in front of his co-workers).

Sensing where this was going, he asked to go back to her place, to which she politely declined. Soon after, she thanked him for an “amazing night” and hopped in a cab.

Though they had exchanged numbers, he was a little surprised that she had called him the next day to ask if they could get together again…which they did, and it kicked off what would become a nightly dating session for the happy twosome. But, just like their first encounter, each night ended the same way: no slamming.

Where My Sex At?

Having dated his share of religious prudes, he was accustomed to some girls not putting out. But this girl was different, mainly because she had no qualms about going down on a guy in a movie theatre or leaving her panties at home.

She reassured him that she was just waiting for “the perfect night,” but it never seemed to come (no pun intended).

By the end of their third week together, however, he found himself alone in his bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why he couldn’t close this deal.

It was a situation he had never encountered before: a girl who gives off all the right signals, but doesn’t follow through.

Call it the ultimate paradox: A woman who puts her vagina on a silver platter (and doesn’t mind having it eaten out) but always stops a little short of penile penetration.

He wound up pulling out of the relationship, figuratively speaking of course, without ever finding out why the actual sex was always off the table.

What Gives???

Although trying to figure out how some women can bring men to the brink of a non-existent orgasm is likely to be a futile exercise, we can at least go ahead and eliminate some key theories:

She’s only using him for his money…Good guess, although the classic moocher wouldn’t bother asking a guy out to a movie on a weeknight; she’d make sure there was champagne on the menu.

She’s saving Herself…Perhaps, although the virginal princesses aren’t so eager to be fingered in public washrooms.

She’s unsure of how she really feels about him…And, um, how long does it take exactly to figure out someone is bed-worthy?

She’s deathly afraid of getting pregnant…So far this seems to be the most likely scenario. So maybe anal is just what the libido ordered?

As far as unsolved mysteries go, this could be the ultimate (cock)head scratcher!