The (Gay) Tinder Effect

Is the latest dating app craze a godsend, or the ultimate ‘cock’-blocker?

When it comes to hook-up apps, it apparently doesn’t matter if you crave penis or pussy; it still sucks to be a guy. Period.

That’s because women, straight or lesbian, are the ones who seem to be having the least amount of gripes about using them.

Yup, it’s a woman’s world, and not even a “hook-up app” can score dudes a sure thing.

I first approached the subject when I described my first Tinder adventure a couple of months ago. And although I maintain that the road to Tinder sex is hit or miss, you can take some comfort in knowing that things could be much worse—if you were gay.

Is Anyone Getting Laid?

I met one of my gay friends for drinks last week, and since I hadn’t seen him in a while, I figured I’d be entertained by some of his recent naughty adventures, since he’s slept with half the men in Montreal—both gay and straight (and that’s not counting the tourist influx that pours in during the summer months).

Instead, what I got was a 30-minute bitch session!

Tired of meeting what he called “freaks” on all of the gay dating sites (including Tinder’s gay cousin, Grindr), he decided to put an end to his blue-ball dry spell by using Tinder, the more “socially-acceptable” and mainstream version of smartphone fun.

The result, according to my friend anyway, is a whitewashed, G-Rated mess, where sex appeal and horniness are out, and wholesome matchmaking is in.

And for those of you who think Tinder is meant for more meaningful connections to begin with, you’re forgetting that it’s still a hook-up app by design—now that’s irony!

So while I thought the only strike against Tinder was a chick who took days (if at all) to reply to a match, it’s interesting to note that a major sub-section of the app’s male users are having a whole other bunch of issues that make the ‘straight problems’ seem almost trivial:

No Instant Hook-Up

With Grindr, the intent was clear: A dude’s looking in his vicinity for another dude to manhandle (no pun intended).

But with Tinder, he’s more likely to find himself in some awkward, getting-to-know-you-back-and-forth-banter before finally settling on a coffee date of all things.

No Anonymity

If you’re gay and still in the closet, Tinder is the enemy. The last thing you want is to come across a scorching hot guy and be alerted of how many Facebook friends you have in common!

True, you can be outed just by surfing the app. But when it comes to your potential quickie’s circle of friends, ignorance is bliss.

No Skin

I guess it’s what’s on the outside that really counts!

The veritable treasure trove of eye candy that guys would expect to see on hardcore gay dating apps, or traditional dating websites, just doesn’t exist on Tinder.

The six-pack pics are few and far between, with profiles showing less skin and more poses with family pets or group shots with friends.

So to all the single straight men who are having trouble picking up using the Tinder flame, just remember that things could be a lot rougher if you played for the other team.