Some Women Just Need to Get Laid!

I’d like to give some lovin’ to the one who needs it most.

The words “bitch” and ”bastard” are thrown around way too easily these days—at least in my opinion. We’re so quick to judge and/or persecute someone, we often lack the will to take a step back and try to understand how they came to be so vile and miserable.

What we fail to realize is that, most of the time, that person is suffering from something the rest us take for granted: sex…or lack thereof.

Make Love, Stay Happy

You know how some people, especially older folks (and often times women), look like they have that perennial stick up their ass and you can’t figure out why? Or how it seems like all they want is to make other people feel as pitiful as they do?

These people weren’t born bullies, they’re just the result of the years-long mental and emotional beating they’ve taken from no longer feeling attractive or desirable. They haven’t been touched properly in a ridiculous amount of time, and suddenly everyone becomes the enemy.

They’re something missing in their lives, and it’s clear what that is.

As a bachelor without any formal training in psychology, it’s my belief that all roads (at least those involving human behavior) somehow lead to sex. When you get it regularly, you’re as happy as f*ck (pun intended). You’re smiling 24/7, the glass is always half full, and you treat others, even the ones you hate, with diplomacy and respect.

But when you’re forced to go without, hell hath no fury, and everyone needs to get outta your way.

Think I’m nuts? Then try going five years without an orgasm.

No Sex = Bad Policies

This is especially evident in politics, since elected officials often use the general public as their scapegoats. Cause when a politician is sexually repressed, millions of people can wind up feeling the pain.

History has given us countless dictators, presidents, and even some in the monarchy, whose sour puss was on full display as they engaged in bullying behavior without just cause.

Just as the U.S. had their George W. Bush, here in my Canadian province of Quebec, we have our Premier Pauline Marois (pictured with me), a woman whose unhappiness is so severe, you’d swear she’s pissed even when she’s smiling.

Why So Angry Pauline?

I don’t know the intimate details of Ms. Marois’ personal life, but I’d like to think she’s the poster child for those who haven’t been sexually gratified in a REALLY long time and is looking for the nearest punching bag.

It would certainly explain the racist, discriminatory and freedom-violating bill (a.k.a. the Charter of Values) she wants to unleash on us—and which has already created a deep social divide in Canada’s greatest city.

Notwithstanding the damage she’s already done by turning English-speaking Quebecers into second-class citizens, you have to wonder: How sexually insolvent does one woman have to be to tell someone to keep their hijabs and turbans at home?

Is ethnic cleansing her way of tapping into her inner S&M? She may as well start carrying a whip in her purse at this point.

Side Note: Notice how a bitter Pauline also managed to turn her totalitarian agenda into a convenient veil under which she can hide the province’s real issue: the deteriorating economy. It’s the art of distraction at its finest; the Charter of Values is her version of the Weapons of Mass Destruction.

I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if the love of her life was an English-speaking Muslim—a guy who broke her heart. Would explain a hell of a lot.

Let Me Love You

So please, cut people like Pauline Marois some slack; they know not what they do. They’ve just been sleeping in an icy-cold bed one-too-many nights. If sex does heal most wounds, then it’s my duty as a proud Canadian to think of the greater good and give Ms. Pauline Marois the very best 60 seconds she’s ever had. Quebec will be eternally grateful.

And with all that built-up hatred and tension brewing inside her, it’d surely make for one intense orgasm…I wonder what she’s doing Friday night?

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