Remember, Strippers Are People Too!

Show some lovin’ to the hard-working women who make this world a better place!

I LOVE strippers. Not in the way that frat house kids or creepy old men love strippers, but I love them as actual people, for what they add to society and for being productive, working-class citizens.

I consider my first time walking into a strip joint to be one of those defining moments in my life (right up there with learning how to walk), even if the joint in question was the dump of all dumps.

It was Spring, 1998, and watching “Vivianne” strut her stuff in six-inch clear heels, to the sounds of Robert Plant’s “Big Log,” (one of the best stripper songs ever recorded, FYI) was all it took to have me hooked.

I was instantly mesmerized by her beauty, the way she slid up and down that pole with such grace, gyrating in perfect sync with Plant’s guitar, and touching herself ever-so-delicately, all the while giving her spectators that classic stripper “Fuck You” stare.

Maybe it was the dimly-lit room, the dirt-cheap beer, or the raging hormones of an adolescent male…whatever the hell it was, I was in clear-heel heaven!

If nothing else, it was my first real taste of what a confident woman looked like, and where, like most men, my attraction to the strong alpha-female likely began. (Side Note: was also my first glorious glimpse of the hairless vag).

The next two years saw my friend and me emptying out our pockets at any and all titty bars within a 10-mile radius. It became an obsession, really, one that I justified by pointing out that it was just like going to any other bar with live entertainment—except the live entertainment involved tits and ass. 15 years and five thousand dollars later, I am as grateful as I am financially bruised.

Which brings me to one of life’s greatest tragedies: Why does society shit on strippers? For everything a stripper gives to mankind, is she not the Mother Teresa of adult entertainment? Before you scoff, consider this:

They’re Great for the Economy

No matter how tough times get, men always manage to find 20 bucks in their pocket for a lap dance and a beer.

In the capitalist world we live in, where consumer spending is so vital, it’s nice to see the constant flow of stripper money. Where the money flows to is another story.

They’re an Inspiration For Strength and Courage

Working a pole requires a certain amount of upper body strength, co-ordination and endurance. It takes a strong, albeit slender, physique to pull it off.

Lines of coke notwithstanding, women should view strippers as beacons of light, as inspiration for keeping in shape and pushing their bodies to new acrobatic highs. And say what you want, but it takes guts to be able to stand naked in a room full of strange men. There isn’t a self-esteem course on the planet that can give you that kind of life lesson.

They Make Millions of Men—and Wives—Happy

In a fast-paced world where stress is at an all-time high and the human connection has all but dissolved in the digital world, it’s still nice to know that a man has a place to unwind and escape–with a stiff drink and the knee of pretty young thing grinding into his groin to boot!

Best of all, millions of wives (especially the insecure ones) can have peace of mind. Because unlike the tramps at the supper clubs, strippers are happy to leave with the cash—not the customers.

Time for a change…

To all of you strippers, past and present, I say thank you. Thank you for spreading your ass cheeks on stage for us, for giving us a place to flee from our daily routines and for not spilling our drinks during a table dance.

I’m convinced that if we come together as a global community, we can help make stripping a respectable and rewarding profession—one pole at a time!