Playing by the NEW Rules

Cheers to our 30s, where Wednesday is the new Friday, “No” is the new “Yes,” and the baseball cap is the new fuck-me heel!

Just when you thought you had booze and banging all figured out, age—and life—swoop in and change the ways you need to play the game…for better or worse.

The entire shift from 20-something to 30-something is shitty enough as it is (at least in some ways); it doesn’t help that you need to re-think your entire social strategy every time you step out of the house, including how you seduce someone, and which day of the week you plan on doing so.

In case you need reminding, what worked at 25 doesn’t work at 35.

We don’t write these rules, we just have to adapt to them. So if you don’t want to end up in the social-life graveyard, start taking notes!

TGIW: Thank God it’s Wednesday

It’s the biggest complaint most “older” singles have: They’re tired of being surrounded by teenyboppers in clubs. But as frustrating as it is to drink at the same bar with people who weren’t even born when “Rhythm is a Dancer” topped the charts, all is not lost.

So what’s a 33-year-old single insomniac to do? It’s easy: Take “Hump Day” to a whole new level!

Wednesday night partying is, for cities unaccustomed to the ritual, one of those underground, not-so-secretive secrets that the older folks have come to embrace. No over-crowding, no kids, and no one puking all over your $300 shoes. You’ll just be a little hung-over for your conference call the next day.

Some might even argue that Wednesday is THE night to see and be seen. After all, anyone can stumble onto a great party on the weekend. But when you know where all of the go-to hot spots are in the middle of the work week, that’s when you’ve officially made it.

“No Thank You” (Translation: “Yes Please!”)

As if reading a girl’s mind didn’t already feel like trying to crack the Da Vinci Code, the art of male-female conversation seems to get more and more convoluted the more mature we become.

Case in point: Picking up a girl in her 20s was always straightforward. She either wasn’t interested, in which case she’d turn her back to you (like a type of “rejection reflex”) or she’d wanna sleep with you in five seconds, in which case she’d fall all over you (literally) in a drunken stupor. Either way, there was no grey area, which left you more time to get shit-faced.

But as women get older, they also get shrewder, and the whole “picking up” shtick becomes one big metaphorical chess game. She might be interested in you, but won’t show it right away. She’s tired of getting jerked around, but doesn’t want to come off too vulnerable either. She’ll refuse your initial advances, but deep down is hoping you’ve caught on to her “playing hard to get” routine and will ramp up your game play.

Are you as confused as I am right now? A guy wants to meet a chick, not engage in psychological warfare.

It’s one thing for women to become choosier about who they spend their Saturday nights talking to, but it’s quite another when the guy has to sacrifice an hour deciphering their bullshit vagueness.

Take Me Out to the ‘Ball Game’

You know you’re in new territory when a girl can get more dick by dressing down—baseball cap and all!

It’s true. I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes. And the science behind it simple: The only way a woman can compete with the younger sluts in the room is by going for the casual look. After all it’s easy to show up at a place wearing next to nothing; it’s what ALL 20-somethings do to feed their young, insecure need for attention–and the reason they all look the same.

But being comfortable enough in your own skin to wear whatever the fuck you want, with little make-up, and still own the room–that takes real skill, one that an older woman needs to master.

Not only do you stand out in the crowd, but guys (especially the older ones) will see it as a sign of confidence that you don’t need to rely on stripper shoes and miniskirts to get their attention—a definite plus!

Ladies, I’m not saying you need to dress like a slob once you hit the big 3-0. But isn’t it nice to know that the perfect guy is a just pair of sneakers away?