MORE Penis Fun Facts!

There’s nothing like some cock talk to unravel more of life’s precious secrets!

If you subscribe to the BachelorUNCUT Newsletter, you may have noticed some interesting, generally unknown facts about the penis in last month’s issue. (P.S. If you’re not subscribed yet, what are you waiting for?)

A penis is a wonderful thing, and it seems every day there’s something new and exciting to learn about the human body’s greatest organ (or God’s greatest creation, for all you religious nuts out there).

Here’s another handful of my favorite penile hidden gems for your reading pleasure:

Long Live the King!

According to an article in Men’s Health, “the penis that’s been enjoyed by the most women could be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly deflowered 37,800 women between the years 1770 and 1784—that’s about seven virgins a day.”

I’m surprised no man has coined the term, “Ah, to be King Fatefehi for a day…”

Whatever happened to 60 seconds?

That same article sites a study by German researchers, who claim that “the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, YET women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds.”

So, using the rules of proportion, and past experience, that means a woman would perceive me to clock in at just under two minutes. I’ll take it!

Eat Semen, Lose Weight

It’s the question on every woman and gay man’s mind: How fattening is a load of sprootz? The answer? Not very. According to this article, a teaspoon of semen has about seven calories.

Now, if I wanted to be crass, I’d make a joke about having the perfect butter substitute for your morning bagel, but that’s not my style.

Two Dicks for the Price of One

Did you know there’s a VERY rare medical condition called “Diphallia,” where a baby is born with two penises? It apparently affects 1 in 5.5. million American men, and one dude with the condition infamously went on reddit a few months ago to answer questions, where he claimed to be able to pee and cum from both openings.

[INSERT JOKE HERE]

And finally, the biggest schlong of all time goes to…

…that lucky prick who, allegedly, measured a whopping 13.5 inches (not to mention the 6.5-inch circumferance.

I just hope he was smart enough to forego academics for a career in porn.