Let Your Fingers Do the F*cking!

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Why Three Fingers Are Better than One, and Why this is Still Men’s Dirty Little Secret.

I remember that first finger up my ass like it was yesterday. It felt odd. It felt weird. It felt…FUCKING AWESOME!

As it turns out, the only disturbing thing about anal insertion is that so many men still have that homophobic fear of admitting to it. And to these men I say: Free yourselves (Cause who are we kidding? Most of you have done the deed)!

FLASHBACK…

It was Fall, 2003, and I was finishing up my semester at NYU. I had been eyeing this girl in my Media Relations class, and after weeks of buildup (and a few semi-flirtatious coffee dates) we decided to have a proper NYC-style sendoff for me, which began with one-too-many Southern Comforts in the East Village and ended in my bedroom up on E 82nd St.

In true New Yorker fashion, she was light years ahead of me, as I Grand Slammed my way to a series of firsts: first time banging in my own apartment; first time getting tied up; and first time having a finger go where no finger has gone before.

Between the booze, the necktie around my wrists, and one of the best blowjobs ever (you know, the slurpy kind…and when the hand and mouth are moving perfectly in sync) I almost didn’t notice the free prostate massage I was getting…that is until I realized I had a finger in my ass.

Fortunately, she went SLOWLY (rule number one). And even though I instinctively started to tighten up and clench my teeth, it didn’t feel half bad in the end. Even more surprising: The finger coming out felt even better than when it went in!

All in all, it allowed for an intense orgasm and proved to be the perfect accompaniment to great head. I just made sure there was lube handy from that point on (rule number two).

Side Note: Please note there’s a pretty big difference between a finger and a tongue. I personally won’t lick a girl’s ass, and I think I speak for most guys when I say we ain’t kissing you if you do it to us!

AND SO IT BEGINS…

My NYC adventure is probably where my fascination with fingering began—vaginal fingering, that is. Not only do I love how it feels for me, I also get off on how it makes the woman feel. Not to mention that feeling of control you can only get when you’re pleasuring her “digitally.” It’s almost…poetic!

Problem is, this is still the women’s domain, which is probably why they’d rather do it themselves.

Unlike oral, it’s always been tough to introduce fingering during foreplay, especially in the beginning when I wasn’t sure what I was doing. There are those girls who are just generally uptight about it, and then those awkward moments like when I was told my fingernails were too long—and I barely had any nails to begin with!

But in my experience, there’s a direct correlation with girls’ comfort level in the bedroom and how receptive they are to fingering in general. This is why, in a sea of 1-Finger Girls, those rare 3-Finger ones are the absolute best (see the full explanation here). So if you’re sleeping with the more demure type, you may want to keep your hands away.

FINGERS = TABOO?

Which brings me back to my first question: Why do guys have such a hard time either asking for it or admitting that they enjoy it?

Perhaps they just need to take the lead from the 3-Finger Girls of the world, and understand that there’s no shame in “opening up” to ALL of the great pleasures we as male humans are capable of.

So the next time you’re giving her the 3-Finger Salute, remember that all YOU need is one!

  • NYCPride

    I almost spit out my coffee when I read the opening line LMAO. Awesome!

    • http://bacheloruncut.com/ Bachelor Uncut

      LOL. Spitting, in this case, is acceptable ;)