Killing Me Softly

By  |  1 Comment

It’s the Number One Mood Killer in the Bedroom, and every suave Bachelor’s biggest gripe.


With those two little words, that rush of adrenaline you had when you were tearing each other’s clothes off moments earlier, not to mention the throbbing hard-on and stroke-inducing heartbeat, comes grinding to a screeching and shameful halt.

You thought you were being slick, whispering something sexy in her ear (“whispering” being the key word here) with the hopes of making her hotter and wetter than ever before.

You were finally going to be the guy in her favorite romance novel that she always wanted.

Only problem? She didn’t hear you. And when she asks you to repeat it, you seem a little douchey, with the added embarrassment of feeling like there’s suddenly 1000 spotlights on you.

And just like that, sexy becomes awkward.

The Silent Killer

Unlike body odor, excessive hair, or a guy who doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing, the unheard dirty talk is one of those mood-crushers that often goes unnoticed because it isn’t as obvious.

But it’s happened to many a man who tried initiating a little “verbal foreplay,” but wound up talking to himself instead (so to speak).

I’d almost liken it to a comedian who’s just about to deliver a killer punch line when his microphone unexpectedly craps out.

Luckily, for most men, having their torrid declarations fall on deaf ears is not enough to keep them from finishing the job. But if he’s smart enough, he’ll let that moment pass without giving it a second shot (pun intended).

If You Need to hear it a second time, it’s too late.

What makes the filthy pillow talk so good (and yes, so deliciously dirty) is that it’s spontaneous, especially since guys are often accused of not “opening up,” and works best if said in a soft sexy tone.

Asking a guy to repeat it breaks the fantasy, and makes the slamming suddenly feel forced and staged.

And let’s face it: The words “Ride me all night” just doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily the second time around—especially if you have to enunciate on top of that.

Ignorance is Bliss

So ladies (and gay men), the next time your guy is about to give you a good pounding, and you can’t quite make out what he’s saying, the best thing you can do is bite your tongue (or his lip) and just go with the flow.

Unless, of course, he’s trying to tell you he left the stove on…which is highly unlikely.

What mood-killers have you been subjected to in the bedroom? Share your story below!

  • Lightning Linda

    I agree just enjoy the ride and shut the fuck up :)..although the girl may want details said over and over again let the guy do his fantasy of dirty talking and fucking trust me girls he will love it and so will you even if the house does burn down lolllllllllllllll