Good Hair, Great Sex

Why women care more about what we’re packing on our heads than in our pants.

Disclaimer: Unless you’re a guy who falls into that five percent of the population that looks better with a shaved head, you may want to move on to another topic. For everyone else, keep reading:

FACT: Men are more preoccupied with their hair than women are with theirs.

FACT: Most women won’t admit that a guy’s hair—or lack thereof—is a big deal.

FACT: Hair can affect a man’s libido the way weight can affect a woman’s.

These three “hairy facts,” while sad but true, pretty much sum up the importance of how follicles define everything from our self-esteem to our sex lives. What else would you expect from a society that puts so much pressure on us to have the perfect hair style—not just the perfect body.

I mean, when even the cartoon superheroes are perfectly coiffed, you know you’re in trouble (you’d never see He-Man with a bald spot, would you?).

The Female Hair Illusion

Somewhere along the lines, though, women were the ones who got the rap for being consumed with hair. But the truth is they just spend more time and money than we do keeping their manes “in vogue.”

It’s the men who really obsess over it, but in yet another one of life’s cruel jokes, they only care about THEIR OWN hair, not the hairdo a chick spent $200 on.

Consider this, ladies: Besides jerking off, what do you think a guy is doing when he’s locked himself in the bathroom for an hour? Chances are he’s standing pokerfaced in front of the mirror, fixated on the reflection of the top of his head, while maneuvering a hand-held mirror behind him with delicate ease—not unlike a chick who stands there examining every wrinkle and crease on her face.

Guess guys and gals aren’t so different after all!

Make no mistake: Just cause we don’t talk about our hair doesn’t mean it isn’t on our minds round the clock (right up there with sex and football). It can damn near keep us up at night! So for any wife or girlfriend with a man who’s feeling less-than-desirable (and who all-of-sudden starts to panic when her hands venture higher than his ear lobes) this may be that missing piece of the puzzle.

The Political Incorrectness of Hair

Adding fuel to the fire is how few women are willing to admit that hair is one of the first things they not only check out on a guy, but judge him for it (noticing if it’s too long, too messy and—most importantly—if some of it’s missing).

Instead, they’ll have you believe that eyes, smile and overall demeanor are what matter most in a first impression. That’s probably because, for whatever reason, hair got lumped into the same category as weight as far as things you can’t ever mention out loud.

A woman would be considered a bitch if she brushed off a guy for being follically-challenged (i.e. something he “can’t control”) even though deep down she usually does–cause his hair is no different than his job, his car or even his shoes. Put another way, his hair will be reviewed long before his cock.

Remember, Hair = Sex Appeal…

What it a boils down to is that simple correlation between hair and sex: The more you got, the more attractive you are. Simple as that.

Remember that guy you knew who, at 25, was gorgeous, but 10 years later seems to have lost his luster even though he still has the same body and face, and you can’t figure out why? Check out his receding hair line. ‘Nuff said.

…And Sex Appeal = Youth

A bald spot can do to a man what a wrinkle does for a woman, and it can be damn near crippling, especially since it’s like a freight train that can’t be stopped. And it’s the most obvious reminder that we’re not the young stallions we used to be. Sure, there are things guys can do to help their cause, but they usually come at a price–literally and figuratively.

Of course, there are workarounds that this always-in-the-know bachelor would be happy to share with you…stay tuned!

In the meantime, the best thing a woman can do for a bald guy is act like he isn’t. Cause when it comes to men and hair, ignorance truly is bliss.