Dear Rita Ora: Use Me, Abuse Me!

If objectifying men is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

“Uh-oh! Girls are getting wet over a guy’s body! Why so cruel God? Why?!”

If you can picture me saying that in an uber-sarcastic voice, while rubbing my non-existent pecs, you can pretty much sum up my mood right now.

Actually, I haven’t laughed this hard in a LONG time, reading how everyone is losing their shit over this Zac Efron “controversy.”

Apparently, Efron getting his shirt ripped open at the recent MTV Movie Awards has offended tons of people who don’t like seeing a man get sexually-exploited in front of a young, impressionable audience.

Here’s just one of the many tweets that were fired off on Sunday night:

From @EM27_: “I dont approve of zac efron’s shirt being ripped off because [it’s] objectifying. What if someone did that to emma watson???”

This tweeter also brings up that other piece of ridiculousness: Using Emma Watson to call out the alleged double-standard in our society.

Double Standard? What Double Standard?

I hate to burst your human-equality bubble folks, but there’s nothing hypocritical about showing off a man’s body–or putting it up on a pedestal. Why? Cause unlike women, men haven’t been made to feel like the inferior sex for the last thousand years, capable of only looking pretty and making babies.

We don’t carry the baggage–or scars–of being objectified!

I could only wish that some hottie would rip my clothes off (forgetting the fact, for just a second, that I don’t have washboard abs or the desire to join a gym, but I digress).

Objectify Us…PLEASE!

When was the last time you heard a guy complain, “I’m more than just a piece of meat!”

EXACTLY!

Oh, and then there’s that other minor detail, that men are sexual pigs anyway; We won’t lose ANY sleep if someone wants to value our brawn over our brain.

If a dude is going to start suffering from low self-image, it won’t be because Zac Efron accepted some dumb award half-naked on national television. And if it is, he needs to get his ass to a shrink–or have a sleepover with Tony Robbins–ASAP!

Question: What do Zac Efron and Nick Cannon have in common?

Answer: They’re both eating unnecessary amounts of crap. Cannon was blasted earlier this month for donning white face to promote his latest album, “White People Party Music,” with people screaming that it was yet another form of racism rearing its ugly head (Side Note: Hard to type that without laughing).

But guess what: Last time I checked, white people haven’t been oppressed since…well, ever! So Nick Cannon having a little fun with his “inner-Caucasian” is harmless fun at worst.

So get over it white people!

Much Ado About Nothing Jealousy

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, jealousy is an ugly thing, and so is anyone who projects their own self-loathing on other people.

So guys, don’t piss all over Zac Efron’s fun just cause no chicks are tugging at your shirt. Your sexual objectification is just a few crunches–and a tanning bed–away.