Dear Madonna and Miley: Don’t Stop!

The World Needs More Women like the Queen of Pop and Miley Cyrus!

If I could fuck anyone right now, it’d be Madonna. It would be the slam session to end all slam sessions.

It’ll never happen though. For one thing, at 33, I’m already past my prime, and more importantly, the sheer magnitude of the occasion, and the pressure to impress, might cause me to turn into a scared, insecure little boy…like a virgin.

I mean, seriously: How do you sleep with someone who literally wrote the book on sex?

But I can’t think of a more proper (or fun) way to thank Madonna for not only getting better with age (the term “MILF” doesn’t even do her justice), but for showing women worldwide that sex and sexuality don’t just sell records, they make millions of people—especially bachelors—feel sooo good!

It’s no surprise Madonna and Miley teamed up this week (on Miley’s MTV “Unplugged”special). Together, with both tongues sticking way out, they represent the full spectrum of what real women should aspire to be, including looks, attitude and career. No one has mastered these three better than these two. And for that, they have my eternal applause.

If I had to get married…

…and I emphasize the word “had,” my wife would be just like Madonna: Tough. Independent. Strong. She has her own life, makes her own money, and would be so busy with work that there’d be no time to get on each other’s nerves. Marital bliss!

Bonus: She’s always looked like the kind of woman who’s not afraid to put a guy in his place which, as mentioned in a previous article, is one of those bitchy qualities that guys love to get off on, even if they don’t want to admit it.

Madonna proves time and time again that great music—and even better sex—is what brings people together. If she isn’t Nobel Peace Prize material, I don’t know who is.

And if I had to have a daughter…

…she’d be just like Miley Cyrus. A tough, street-smart, no-nonsense young woman who knows what she wants and goes after it at all costs.

Some might call her a puppet for the music industry, but you gotta appreciate that she’s smart enough to play the game, knowing full well what it takes to get noticed and move merchandise. Exploitation…or shrewd business move?

You should have been so intelligent at 21!

Don’t Stop Ladies…

So whether you’re a feminist, a horny dude, or a gay man, the greatest charitable act you can perform right now is to share this article with every woman you know in the hopes of creating greater public awareness on the importance of letting your sexuality—and confidence—run free.

It is my dream for humanity that the world’s female population will one day consist solely of Madonna’s and Miley’s. It would be a much more amusing (and scantily-dressed) world to live in.

Now if only they’d make out…