Dear Lindsay Lohan: Let Me Be Your Lucky 37!
Our Favorite Bad Girl is making a sex list, and this Bachelor is getting in line.
Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay…when did you become so fucking cool?
Just when I think you’re out of the game, you come roaring back: Bigger, better, and more relevant than ever.
It wasn’t until your most recent cover story from In Touch Magazine (which I’ll get to in a minute) that I FINALLY realized what it was that attracted me—and the rest of the world—to you: You’re a real party! Even in your post-rehab state of mind, you haven’t lost your rebellious edge.
With everyone going batshit crazy over political-correctness, there you are, living your life the way YOU want to and not giving a rat’s ass what anyone else thinks.
And you help make a very important point, that “Bad Girls” are HOT, and “Good Girls” are NOT.
Why Vixens Beat Virgins
I’ve been following your career for some time and, truthfully, I’ve only started taking an interest in you when things were getting…how should I say…a little “rocky.”
It isn’t that I’m attracted to girls with problems; I just like a girl who’s a little rough around the edges (a.k.a. not boring).
And now that you’ve “allegedly” listed all of your 36 sexual conquests (likely for the world to see), I’m only MORE turned on by your openness (and your experience!). The stiff competition notwithstanding, I’m ready to throw my hat into the ring (and by “the ring” I mean your bed).
You’re Hot Cause You’re a Hot Mess!
Aside from the fact that you look like you couldn’t give two fucks about anyone or anything (and that in itself is a rebellious quality guys love), you’re clearly not a girly-girl. And maybe, just maybe, your ability to go from mild to wild should serve as a blueprint for other girls to follow.
Looking at you, I can’t help but wonder if there’s a link between cheating men and living with a “good girl.” But I’ll leave that to you and Oprah to figure out on an upcoming episode.
We all get a little self-destructive sometimes
The truth is, you’ve eaten A LOT of shit in the press; your family life (from my perspective, anyway) is an ongoing circus; and your career, while still bankable in my book, is under constant scrutiny. It can’t be easy going through all of these ups and downs with millions of people judging you in the process.
But let he who is without sin (or a joint, or a shady one-night stand) cast the first stone!
Don’t worry Lindsay, we’ve all been there. As this blog grows in notoriety (fingers crossed), I can only imagine how many disastrous photos of my drunken debauchery will start to surface. And people will judge. And I’ll be looking to you as a role model, as someone who just kept on doing her thing in the face of hypocritical criticism.
Making the Naughty List
I’ve already read some comments on other blogs from people who seem disgusted that such a list even exists (and perhaps also by the actual number?). I say “Fuck ‘em!”
Nearly every girl I know has made a list at some point, and while they don’t include Oscar or Grammy winners like yours, they’re just as long–if not LONGER.
Keep Being You
People can say whatever they want about you; in the end, you’re no different than them. Bottom line: You’re a firecracker. And even though some guys won’t admit to it, deep down they wish they could your Lucky 37 too!
Between you and Barbara Walters, I could definitely go for a cold shower right about now.
Barbara & BachelorUNCUT: The Dream Date