Boardrooms, Bosses, and BJs

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Is a slutty co-worker good for a business’ bottom line?

Every company, no matter how big or small, employs three basic personalities: The middle-management douches who get off on power trips; the eternal suck-ups who brown-nose their way to the top; and chicks who’ve given head to at least three guys in [INSERT DEPARTMENT NAME HERE].

And we can pretend to be disgusted by the latter all we want; the truth is, a little whorish behavior among the cubicles can make the work weeks fly by, and give the rest of the floor something to talk about other than “Did they fix the printer yet?”

Love in the Afternoon

What is it about inter-office flings that’s so titillating? In an age where nothing seems taboo, the thought of two colleagues getting it on behind closed (or not-so-closed) doors still manages to excite people (especially if it involves said couple sneaking in a quick smooch in the emergency stairwell).

It happens all the time. Two people mysteriously vanish during an “extended lunch,” only to be found walking out of a nearby hotel, or constantly being the first two to exit a social gathering after work—at the exact same time.

Or how about those off-site management retreats, which almost-always end up with one person tip-toeing into someone else’s hotel room after dark (so I’ve heard).

But while it may be scandalous behavior (especially in more conservative companies), should it be forbidden?

What’s a little harmless orgasm at the office?

A friend of mine, who worked for a well-known property management firm in Toronto, fondly recalls the time when a now-infamous—and scantily-clad—secretary started working there a few years ago.

Her skirt was inappropriately short, her cleavage was borderline offensive, and her heels often looked like they belonged on a stage next to a pole.

And none of the senior management folks seemed to mind.

Though it probably had something to do with the fact that she (allegedly) was having sex with one of the recently divorced VPs in the parking garage after hours.

Regardless, it wasn’t disruptive to anyone’s performance, and my friend said it was actually a nice change from the usually stuffy atmosphere.

In fact, the rest of the staff would amuse themselves by betting on what time the happy duo would take their cigarette breaks, and for how long.

Oh, and did I mention that the company (ironically or not) was having one of its best years in a long time?

In other words, it was a win-win (more so for the couple having sex, but I digress).

Does Pussy Boost Productivity?

Giving your hormones a workout from 9-5 may not be so bad after all!

Say what you’ll will, but when you’re boning a colleague, chances are you won’t be nodding off at your desk; the adrenaline alone will be enough to keep you on your toes (as will the risk of getting caught, of course).

Then there’s the fact that you’re sure to show up to work looking your very best, no matter how casual your company’s Fridays may be.

And if it’s not interfering with the actual job, and there’s no home-wrecking involved, isn’t canoodling with a colleague fair game?

In the end, it may not be the most ethical choice, but it sure gives you another reason to get out of bed in the morning! Of course, if things go sour, it can get very messy, VERY fast. But probably best not to dwell on that right now.

Have you ever worked at an office that had its share of hanky panky?
Leave a comment below!

  • Lightning Linda

    Great article dario and very true.It can be very hot or very destructive..I once dated my manager at Mcd’s, it was nice. I got special flavors, good working hours, raises, daily sexercise and of course employee of the month very often :) Hey if it bothers no one why not..Pleaseeee there’s so many brown nosers why cant their be any cock suckers :) Either way its a great way to get AHEAD in life :)